OCstuck Act 1 Part 1: Greeve's Story

Your name is Greeve Zarafa.
You have a kind of strange obsession with kites. You like watching them fly in the sky and occasionally do kite fights with other kite enthusiasts (meaning you never do kite fights because what troll in their right mind wants to fly a damn kite?). You really wish that you could fly like the kites and explore this big beautiful world from a bird's-eye-view. It makes you sad, because you know that will never happen.
You recently reached your 7th solar sweep, and yet you are significantly taller than a troll of 7 solar sweeps should be. You easily dwarf most of your age group, so a lot of them who do not know any better think you look pretty tough, but everyone else just sees your messy hair and the orange symbol emblazoned on your hoodie (humans know this symbol as Camelopardalis, the Giraffe) and know that you are just a really tall kid at heart. Atop your head sit fairly small horns that resemble the horns of long-necked hoofbeasts.
On your wriggling day, you received a few gifts, your favorite of which was the one you got from your Matesprit. Pretty much exactly as you expected, her present was a kite that looked as though it were sewn together from a whole lot of paper money, though obviously it was not, as your Matesprit would sooner die than allow money to go to waste like that.
You go over to the small pile of boxes and begin opening your other presents. On top of the pile is a little card. You pick it up and read it. In fiery scarlet print, the letter reads "sowwy gweeve~ i'ww have to give you youw pwesent watew cus its not done yet~ shouwdnt be too much wongew, so be patient, otay :>"
You smile and mutter to yourself, "oh ffenice…" You assure yourself that her gift will be great, as she is a very hard worker when it comes to gifts and anything fun, really.
You make your way to the next gift. This one is a bit of an arctic blue and is kind of long. You figure you know what it will be, and as you open it you see that you were right. Inside the box is a sword. As thoughtful as this gift is, it was rather stupid of your Moirail to send it to you, considering that you do not have the right Kind Abstratus for it. You have your Kind Abstratus set to Batonkind, and occasionally Kitekind, though the latter is only for the aforementioned kite battles that never happen. Your normal pair of tonfa has been getting kind of ratty, as of late, so you suppose your buddy was just trying to give you some kind of protection in case your weapons break. You notice that the box also has a card on it.
"My good compatriot, it |~|as come to my attention t|~|at your weapons |~|ave seen better days, so I |~|ave taken it upon myself to provide you wit|~| my most trusted blade! May it serve you as well as it |~| me all t|~|ese sweeps in my quest to become a great |~|ero. I sincerely |~|ope wit|~| all of my |~|eart t|~|at we may be able to join forces once again someday soon, as t|~|ings were in the old days. Per|~|aps we can recruit t|~|e |~|onorable Edvier to join us on our questing. Your Moirail, Moloc|~| Engona."  
You shake your head at the silliness of your good friend. As much as you would love to go on a quest again, you just don't see yourself having time, what with that big game thing that Lucina's been going on and on about lately. But more on that later. For now, you have more presents to open.
Next is a little yellow box. There is no card on this one, but it does have the initials L.A. on it, so you can tell who it's from. Inside the tiny box is a little crystal ball necklace with a small card that shows the color codes for moods. You put on the necklace and it fills with purple smoke, which the card tells you means that you are very happy.
The last present is a fairly small, strong aquamarine package. You unwrap it to find that it is the very popular book, The Heiress Matesprit. This is clearly from Edvier. He's such a hopeless romantic. He and Moloch are pretty much your best buddies, who you used to go on quests with all the time. Edvier was always talking about finding the perfect Matesprit and such. It really depresses you to think about, given that there was someone perfect around all along that he just never noticed. Oh well, maybe he will notice someday.
Now that that's done, you make your way to your computer to see if anyone is online. Or at least, you would, if it were not for the knock at your door. You go to the door, but find no one outside, only a large, crimson package. Oh lord. You know exactly who this is from.
You unwrap the present hesitantly, worried there might be poison gas or a head or something horrifying inside. You examine the box for any signs of foul play and listen closely for ticking. Nothing seems wrong and you open the box slowly.
"oh 6ood ffuck."
It is worse than you could have possibly imagined. You pull out a rather large bucket with a black spade engraved on it. You notice that there are things inside the bucket as well. You slowly pull out what you can only describe as a slinky black cocktail dress. Under the dress is a bottle of Faygo, which has clearly been opened and almost definitely tampered with. This is quite simply the most revolting present you have ever received. Pinned to the dress is, of course, a note.
"Hallo there, Arschloch… I just vanted to vish you ein happy wriggling day, und sincerely hope you make good use of your presents :{D Perhaps ve can meet up sometime und break them in… Anyvay, lets meet up soon, ja… Your Kismesis, Shlauf Frucht"
You really cannot stand this douchebag.  He constantly antagonizes you and then hits on you very uncomfortably. It makes you sick. And yet, you find that you somewhat enjoy his antics, though you would never admit that to his face. Of course, you have yet to actually meet him face to face. Which makes the dress all the more terrifying, considering that it looks like it would fit you perfectly.